Who Are The Victims?
by Graeme Kapono Urlich
In Huna thinking, all experience is self generated, created out of our thoughts, beliefs, and actions.
Therefore, the victims actually attract people who are willing (subconsciously) to play the role of
the bully for them. The bullies, similarly, are attracting people who are willing (subconsciously) to
play the victim. If the victim stops being a victim - the bully must also stop being a bully. If the
bully stops being a bully, the victim can still perceive a threat or injustice, so who really has the
power? I believe it is the "so called" victim. No-one consciously wants to be victimised and usually
don’t understand why these things happen. What then, creates the beliefs that attract such behaviour
There is the case of the young woman who grew up in a family with an alcoholic father. Her mother was
always saying that "all men are worthless alcoholics", a most unrealistic and unfair generalisation.
The young woman however, had known nothing else, so this belief was ingrained into her memory. Young
children may not understand consciously what adults say, but they do remember subconsciously,
everything, and formulate beliefs from it. In later life, she went through a succession of marriages
Most of her partners were not alcoholic when she married them, but responded to her subconscious
belief and expectation, and soon became alcoholic. This does not mean that she actually turned these
men into alcoholics. She simply attracted men who had latent alcoholic tendencies that resonated with
her basic belief and became prevalent in their behaviour over time in cooperation with her
expectation. The same is true of abusive partners (both men and women), abusive parents, rapists and
burglars, etc. They are all responding to the "victim's" basic beliefs about themselves and the world,
acting out a role in the "victim's" movie (and vice versa).
This is not an excuse for such abusive behaviour, but it is the main reason. Nor does it mean that the
victim should be blamed, it is simply the way they have learned or decided (subconsciously) to be. In
working with such people, first heal the wound then teach them how to create a different reality
without fear and hurt for themselves. It doesn't have to be that way for them. The world is not like
that for everyone. Indeed, the vast majority of people do not personally experience such things.
In the case of young children, you might ask, how can this be true? They can't understand or have such
beliefs at that age. In reality, everyone is born with a basic set of beliefs that create our first
set of experiences. These experiences may be a mother who smokes, drinks or has contact with
genetically damaging chemicals during pregnancy, a difficult birth, state of health and living
environment, etc. All these, reflect the basic set of beliefs that we are all born with. Most are born
with much more constructive beliefs than these and where they come from, is another story.
From these initial experiences, we make decisions (assumptions), about the world and build on the
basic beliefs. New experiences are then generated and more decisions are made. This process continues
through life forming our blueprint for the future. These decisions, like feeling unhappy or angry in a
given set of circumstances, become habit and we go on repeating them throughout our lives until we
decide to respond differently and create a new habit. Once we let go of the idea that "other
people are doing this to me and I have no control", and accept that we are either actively
attracting this behaviour or, at least, passively accepting it by not choosing an alternative, we
realise that we have the knowledge and ability to change our experiences and situations, simply by
changing the way we think and act.
It is that simple, but it is not necessarily easy. We must make new decisions about who we are, what
we feel, and what we think, and we must continue to consciously focus on, and act out, these new
patterns until they become the new habits. It may be necessary to refine these new patterns over
time, but if we lose sight of them before they replace the old habits, we begin to slip back into the
old patterns and recreate the old experiences. When this happens, simply refocus on the new patterns
and remember that they are changing. Keep on going, the rewards are tremendous.
Graeme Kapono Urlich (1992)
Aloha New Zealand - School of Huna and Hawaiian Shamanism