I Feel Like I Was Being Tested
by Graeme Kapono Urlich
If you haven't said this at some point in your life I'm sure you have heard it said. What does it
mean, this "being tested," in the context of Huna practice? Where does the feeling come from? What do
we do with it?
First we need to ask two questions: Who is doing the testing, and for what purpose? For many people,
the answers are easy. God is doing the testing and it's to help us on our life's purpose. Using Huna
concepts, we can ask ourselves a few more questions. What is the will of God? What is our life's
purpose? More importantly, while we pursue our life's purpose, if we are not being tested, why does it
feel that we are?
We can look at this idea of being tested in one of two ways: either as a Warrior or as an Adventurer.
From a Warrior perspective, the idea of being tested makes sense because warriors expect enemies and
dangers that they need to be ready for and so attract situations to prove this and test their power
From the Adventurer viewpoint, within the Huna philosophy, the idea of being tested makes no sense at
all. Since the world is what YOU think it is and ALL power comes from within, then there is nothing
outside of you that has the power, or the right, to choose a purpose for you, set about training you
for it, and then test your progress.
What's really happening is that we are just dealing with our own stuff and experiencing resistance to
change. In Huna, we see the will of God as being what we decide it is individually - the world is what
we think it is. God is not a puppeteer pulling the strings and guiding us along a preordained path. We
were given freedom of choice. So, while His power works through us, He does not control us. We are
free to choose any life we want. As for our life's purpose, it is simply "to live life."
Another idea we use in Huna is that if there is an overriding spiritual purpose to life,
it will be fulfilled no matter what we decide to do in life even if we have to be dragged
to it kicking and screaming. Our Aumakua, which I sometimes liken to the concept of a guardian angel,
will make sure that we will not encounter or be affected by any situation that will
interfere with our life's purpose. So having chosen our purpose, and decided that we will live our
lives as best we can, our life's purpose will be fulfilled. Our choices simply determine how
prosperous and happy a life we have, so it makes sense to choose the best.
So, why does it feel like we are being tested? Simply stated, it comes from the stress and resistance
of changing our belief patterns so that we can live our chosen purpose. A common pattern, my own
included, is to create a crisis in order to achieve growth. We stand on the railroad tracks watching
the train approach, praying to God or the Universe to intervene and stop the train. Some of us choose
to hop off the track sooner rather than later. Some of us wait until the very last second, shouting
hysterically at God to help before they jump in desperation. Still others of us close our eyes in
panic, and splat!
When we make a conscious decision to follow a new path our Ku (subconscious mind) will sort out the
patterns of belief it needs to create that reality. Ku also sorts out the belief patterns that are
directly contrary to that reality. As we push further and further down this path it puts more pressure
on these contrary beliefs. Ku holds them up and asks, "Well, what do I do with these? They
conflict with the purpose we decided on". The more we ignore Ku's requests for instruction,
the more stress it creates and the more pressure we will feel.
So, now what do we do? There are only two ways to relieve that stress. The first and the easiest, is
to let go of the goal and slide back into the old patterns. If this is effective for you,
congratulations, you have passed your own test. The other way is most certainly the harder of the two,
but it is the most beneficial. This second way to relieve the stress of growth is to give Ku
direction, push through the discomfort, and achieve the goal.
If there is a purpose to being tested by ourselves or by others then perhaps it is this: When we
harness the power we have within us and direct it towards living in the world, toward purposes we
choose, we gain confidence in ourselves and the effectiveness of our choices. The feeling of being
tested, then, is simply feedback from our own decisions and actions.
Graeme Kapono Urlich (April 2009)
Aloha New Zealand - School of Huna and Hawaiian Shamanism